So, I've been trying not to eat while I'm at work, because I just feel awful. It's odd how food is like alcohol sometimes, in that I will PASS THE FUCK OUT after eating. Seriously. Just can't help falling asleep. Not to mention the very uncomfortable bloating, and mild pain.
So, yeah, not eating at work, but then when I come home, I'm starving. So, last night, knowing that I'm also on my cycle and feel the endometriosis is flaring up, AND I'm running out of medication (that's another story), I ate a small amount of rice and a mild veggie curry. Most people, who god bless them, don't understand this disease, would say, "ohhh, it was the curry, wasn't it". NO. Look, I can eat spicy food, it's not IBS or acid reflux, or Crohn's or whatever. Sometimes, usually around this time, it just gets really awful. Right now, is that time. So much pain last night, couldn't sleep. Wanted a mid-sectionectomy, just remove my torso please. Felt like a twisted mess with knives sticking in a few choice places. Feel it coming on now, even though I've had tea today....ok, and a few pine nuts, but dammit, they're soft!
Also, what's with the back pain? It's ramped up with my cycle, but lower back gets it bad sometimes. I was reading about fasting and it seems that lumbago is fairly common when only taking in liquid.
Speaking of, I know I should be on a liquid diet right now, but I also hate wasting food and feel like I need to eat what's in my fridge. I also know I shouldn't be eating so much, period. It's time to go back to fist-sized portions, and mostly soft, liquid, or pureed foods. I don't think I anticipated how hard it would be when working in a restaurant. I'm just going to suck it up, eat only at home where I can lay very still afterwards, be completely (rather than mostly) anti-social, and bitch on here until it passes. After that, it's time to be more strict, and hope my friends understand I'm not trying to be difficult or a downer when I have to plan everything out and need more notice before joining them for food, or when I decline to eat. I hate thinking about food all the time, hate having to plan everything out, but at least I'll feel better physically, then perhaps mentally.
Huzzah!
Showing posts with label lethargic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lethargic. Show all posts
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Sunday, August 14, 2011
The past few days have been abundantly awful.
Actually, the past week had been pretty damn bad, but it's the extreme shortness of breath that really bothers me. I feel like I could suffocate, but I know panicking will only make it worse. I think it's a combination of allergies and gas from eating (anything really, these days). Having a spell. Good thing I bought all that food!
That's another thing I hate, wasting food. I have all this good stuff that I want to make, that I could eat when I'm stable, but this comes on so suddenly that I fear it going bad. Plus, cooking relaxes me. So, if things don't improve in the next day or so, my co-workers will be getting a treat.
I haven't been able to go out in the evenings at all the past few days. Went to the Saints game on Friday, but ended up being sick later that night. Didn't even try last night due to the not being able to breathe. Figured I just can't eat hardly anything, so today, I had about a half cup of grits in the morning and some chips and salsa in the late afternoon (both times I prepped by taking 1 1/2 pills (Cisapride). And now, now I feel (and look) pregnant and can't breathe. I really hate this. I don't know how many times I can say this. If I was on a path to becoming a hermit before, this just solidifies it. I'm only good in the morning. Basically, my free time away from my consuming job is ruined a lot of the time. Being on the internet is about all I can do from a horizontal position. Reading yes, but I tend to fall asleep these days. The other night I did do some drawing though, so that's something.
That's the other thing though. I'm so tired, so tired all the time. Caffeine doesn't even matter anymore. I can have three shots of espresso and still pass out on the couch after reading a few pages. It's not lack of sleep either, unless I need more than 9 hours, which is ridiculous. Today, I got the shakes from carrying a couple grocery bags into the house. I sat on the balcony and spaced out, let my body sink for a good half hour before feeling "right". I just feel weak and my body feels old. I'm sure part of it is nutritional. I've got to get better about the vitamins.
Actually, the past week had been pretty damn bad, but it's the extreme shortness of breath that really bothers me. I feel like I could suffocate, but I know panicking will only make it worse. I think it's a combination of allergies and gas from eating (anything really, these days). Having a spell. Good thing I bought all that food!
That's another thing I hate, wasting food. I have all this good stuff that I want to make, that I could eat when I'm stable, but this comes on so suddenly that I fear it going bad. Plus, cooking relaxes me. So, if things don't improve in the next day or so, my co-workers will be getting a treat.
I haven't been able to go out in the evenings at all the past few days. Went to the Saints game on Friday, but ended up being sick later that night. Didn't even try last night due to the not being able to breathe. Figured I just can't eat hardly anything, so today, I had about a half cup of grits in the morning and some chips and salsa in the late afternoon (both times I prepped by taking 1 1/2 pills (Cisapride). And now, now I feel (and look) pregnant and can't breathe. I really hate this. I don't know how many times I can say this. If I was on a path to becoming a hermit before, this just solidifies it. I'm only good in the morning. Basically, my free time away from my consuming job is ruined a lot of the time. Being on the internet is about all I can do from a horizontal position. Reading yes, but I tend to fall asleep these days. The other night I did do some drawing though, so that's something.
That's the other thing though. I'm so tired, so tired all the time. Caffeine doesn't even matter anymore. I can have three shots of espresso and still pass out on the couch after reading a few pages. It's not lack of sleep either, unless I need more than 9 hours, which is ridiculous. Today, I got the shakes from carrying a couple grocery bags into the house. I sat on the balcony and spaced out, let my body sink for a good half hour before feeling "right". I just feel weak and my body feels old. I'm sure part of it is nutritional. I've got to get better about the vitamins.
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