Dating.
I'm doing more of it now and am finding it hard to figure out when to bring up the eating thing. I'm inclined to just put it out there, but I don't know if I should just see how "normal" I can make it before having to say something. I just don't want guys thinking I'm being "dainty" or that I don't enjoy a good bourbon. I do! I did. I might be able to again, on a good night, when I haven't eaten a lot that day, and I have my meds. Maybe. I hate planning all this out! I hate that when a guy asks me where I want to go, I have to consider it carefully. It's depressing.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
well....
It's been awhile, and that usually means that things are going well. They are, or were, until I started running out of my Cisapride pills. I'm supposed to get more this week, but I've had to cut the dosage in half to make them last this long. I just took my last one tonight and I can only hope that I can get more tomorrow. You really don't notice just how much they help until you don't have them.
I can feel the old feelings and symptoms of a few months ago coming back. It's funny how you forget these things, even think that "well, it wasn't that bad". But it was, is. The shortness of breath, the pain, the constant state of discomfort and feeling like you just want to unzip your belly, the fatigue, god, the fatigue. No vomiting. Hopefully I can put that off and get the pills soon. I barely ate today. Tomorrow I'm aiming for soft/liquid diet, just so I can get through the day and have enough energy to work on things after work.
And then you worry. Because I've had some odd symptoms recently (fairly extreme shortness of breath, twitching in the extremities), I wonder if they'll refill my pills (it's a clinical trial). I need those pills. It makes me want to cry that I need those pills and to be so dependent on them. I don't want to go back to the way it was. All this, with just the remote possibility of not getting them. It's a good thing I have this blog. I really don't want to whine/complain about this anymore out loud.
I can feel the old feelings and symptoms of a few months ago coming back. It's funny how you forget these things, even think that "well, it wasn't that bad". But it was, is. The shortness of breath, the pain, the constant state of discomfort and feeling like you just want to unzip your belly, the fatigue, god, the fatigue. No vomiting. Hopefully I can put that off and get the pills soon. I barely ate today. Tomorrow I'm aiming for soft/liquid diet, just so I can get through the day and have enough energy to work on things after work.
And then you worry. Because I've had some odd symptoms recently (fairly extreme shortness of breath, twitching in the extremities), I wonder if they'll refill my pills (it's a clinical trial). I need those pills. It makes me want to cry that I need those pills and to be so dependent on them. I don't want to go back to the way it was. All this, with just the remote possibility of not getting them. It's a good thing I have this blog. I really don't want to whine/complain about this anymore out loud.
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