Because I almost posted it on Facebook...

I had a good cry, some dry heaving (after a dinner where I threw caution to the wind, in my efforts to be a social animal), and wised up.  So I post it here, where no one will probably see it.  But it's out there, in the ether, and that's something.  Because besides the pain, nausea, and physical ailments, the psychological strain and loneliness from this is the worst.  But hey, at least it's not cancer, right:

"Feeling like crap 75% of the time will put you in a bad mood, make you depressed.  I feel like I'm constantly trying to explain and yet understanding is never found.  I feel whiny and insufferable, like a goddamn teenager, and I hate it.  I wish a stomach disorder on NO ONE, but I wish to god everyone knew what it feels like.  I am always, AL-WAYS, thinking about food, when to eat, what to eat, how much.  Everything is planned.  So much joy surrounding the breaking of bread, a social endeavor, is virtually gone.  Much more than just a "food coma", thank you.   I feel weak, and so tired. 

Fucking hell, I should probably join a support group."

stop while you're ahead

So, this week has seen improvements in the return of solid food. I recently learned I'm actually NOT lactose-intolerant so that's opened up whole new worlds (hello orange creamsicles!). Good news, good news. But, I find myself hyper-sensitive to every feeling in my stomach and esophagus, a little gun-shy if you will. I think, "Oh no, is this it, the beginning of a Very Bad Evening?" I got so excited about the solid food for dinner tonight I think I overdid it. I forget that just because I can eat solids again, doesn't mean I can eat a "normal" portion. I'm hoping the sickness stays away until bedtime. Or, I could just use it as an excuse to NOT do my taxes. ;)

With all of that, sometimes it's the understanding, or not understanding, of others that gets to me. My co-workers (most of them) know the issue, but don't really get it. I fear they think I'm exaggerating or making it up because they see me eat certain things sometimes. But, I feel like I have to test the waters every so often, even if it means getting sick later. That said, I'm worried that the next meal will be the beginning of another bad spell.

For anyone reading this, do you have these fluctuations? And do you feel stress has greatly contributed to them? I'm finding liquid is now more intolerable (right now) than solid, maybe because I feel that it shouldn't be a problem and I drink too much? The happy medium is constantly in flux.